Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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