That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize