my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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