I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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