Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
