I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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