Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You took a bar mat shot.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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