Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
They have beer where we have blood.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
