mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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