My room smells like vodka and shame
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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