I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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