I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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