I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
