Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
