My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
