so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
