honey bunches of taint.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
wow bdsm is so cute
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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