I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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