Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
