you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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