So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
