i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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