This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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