oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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