you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
