she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
