i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
