He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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