My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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