Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
