STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
