I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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