her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
