Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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