redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
