What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
