I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
