when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
