I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize