he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
