Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
