you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
