I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
