so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
