Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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