Kiss
Puke
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
