before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
