what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
