So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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