Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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