If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
