On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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