cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
