He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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