So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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