Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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