i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Holy shit dude........stairs
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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