Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
