I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
