are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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