we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize