new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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