it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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