But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
