I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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