Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
