remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
