We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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