I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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